On Graduating College

Now, you had to know that I’d be writing about this. There are so many things going through my head right now that I can’t help myself.

The time has come. Tomorrow morning I will put on a ridiculous-looking cap and gown, sit through a 2 hour ceremony, listen to over a thousand strangers’ names get called, hear about five familiar names, until finally…mine. Brianna Martin. Graduating college.

If you know me at all, you probably know that I’ve had one or two emotional breakdowns over the past week. Reasons for these breakdowns have varied. The first one, for instance, was the result of doing my last performance of a play that I had spent the past 2 months preparing for and having a blast in, realizing that I would probably never get another chance to do something like that again, realizing that I had one week of college left before I would be thrown into the real world, realizing I had a million things to do for finals week and hadn’t really started any of them, and realizing that the one presentation I thought I had gotten done was actually prepared on the completely wrong thing. (Needless to say, that last one was the trigger for this particular breakdown).

But while emotional breakdowns are fascinating (and apparently normal for someone in my position), let me get to my real thoughts while I’m still having a moment of clarity.

This past week has arguably been the worst week of my college career. “How awful!” you may be thinking. Well, yeah–I guess. But not really. You see, the reason it’s been the worst is the best reason I can imagine for it being the worst. Yes, I’m slightly depressed and terrified that I’m leaving college. I’m very sad to leave the people I have come to know on campus and even the people who I literally just met this semester and have grown very fond of. I’m sad to leave this place that has become my second home these past three years.

But I’m also incredibly grateful to have had these experiences at all.

I’m sure every graduate goes through this. It’s like high school graduation all over again, but not quite. This time, it’s even harder because this time, I’m leaving behind the place where I’ve made some of the most important decisions and discoveries of my life. This place is where I (excuse the cliché) found myself.

Even though I still don’t quite know what I’m going to do with my degree, I don’t regret having gotten it. First of all, I actually really loved what I learned in my major, even if it doesn’t directly match up with one particular career path. (Maybe that’s why I loved it so much). But you see, what made college worth it to me wasn’t the classes I took, or the grades I got, or the school work and projects that I did, or the long and painful research paper I wrote my junior year. I mean, all those things are important, yes–but they’re not what made my college experience.

To me, my college experience was made from the new things that I tried–things I had never done before and never dreamed I would ever do. It was made of taking a step out of my comfort zone and doing new things just so that I could say I tried them. It was finding that confidence within myself that I never knew was there. It was finding my passion for writing and my love of acting and realizing that it is possible to surprise yourself. It was meeting people who shared the same passions as me and who would become dear friends in a matter of weeks. It was accomplishing things that previously terrified me and realizing that they’re not so terrifying anymore.

It was made of my long drives to campus in the mornings that, rather than consisting of the sound of the radio, often consisted of the sound of silence and became my time to think for the day. I can’t tell you how many important decisions I made during those drives. It was walking clear across campus to get to my next class. It was seeing familiar faces walk past me on the streets every day like clock work and feeling some sort of connection with them even though we’d never exchanged so much as a “hello” with one another.

It was forming relationships with strangers, with professors, with random faculty members at the dining areas on campus. It was being terrified of the two swans who live by the pond and slowly growing very fond of them by the end of the year.

What made college for me wasn’t what I learned about communication or writing academic papers or properly citing research sources in APA format (oh, dear Lord). What made college for me was what I learned about myself and about life and about people.

Those things, those accomplishments, are what I’ll be proud of while walking across that stage tomorrow. Those things are what I’ll be thinking about when I shake that stranger’s hand and accept my Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Studies (and a Minor in German).

And those things are what I will think about in the future whenever I reflect back on my college years. And I may get choked up at the thought–I may even shed a tear.

But only because I’m so happy that I had that experience.

So to all of you out there who are about to start college, or who are still in college, or who have only one year left–I have one thing to say to you:

No matter how many people tell you to enjoy it while it lasts–no matter how many times you hear that very familiar phrase–know that it will still go by in the blink of an eye. Sure, it won’t seem like it while you’re writing that 25-page research paper. It’ll feel like an eternity then. But trust me, no matter what you do or how often you stop to appreciate it all, it won’t stop it from going by too fast.

But, it will help you to realize just how wonderful those years were when you get to where I’m at right now.

And if you’re as lucky as me, you’ll realize that if you had to do it all over again, you wouldn’t change any of it.

So, here’s to starting the rest of my life. Bring on the adventures.